Self doubt does not seem to disappear, especially when taking on a large project. Whenever anyone asks, the answer is vague, and so is the time frame. Why yes, I am working on a project, but since it is complex both in terms of plot and writing style the process is extending close to the far end of my ability. Hence the title refers to discomfort, because it is more than the doubt, the piece is both experimental and old. At the turn of the century I fell into the gap between the ease of self-publishing in its current form, and the receding tide of traditional publishing. Right at the pinnacle of a choice that impact more than two decades, I was ready to veer into long form writing.
For people who wrote prose this may have meant a short disruption to the system, and the process of learning new technology. However, in my circumstance this was not the case, and in turn the general advice given that “no one wants to read poetry” had an impact on my decision. At the precipice of extending into long form writing, I misunderstood the advice and wrote a young adult fantasy in prose. While the skills this taught me still remain, and I am grateful for the accomplishment, it is bitter sweet. The turning point came afterwards, when my poetry outsold my prose at a rate of 3 to 1. In that moment I realised that the advice, no matter how helpful it was intended, had led down a path I would not have chosen otherwise.
In the scope of regret I made the decision to circle back to the discomfort, and wonder what my writing would have looked like in novel form. I asked the question; what if I could begin again as though I were standing on the edge of that decision. Not knowing the impact it would have, and yet stepping forward into something more familiar, along the path that could have been. Such is my journey into an experimental piece that holds the structure of an epic fantasy trilogy. Once upon a time the term “epic” referred to long form poetry, and in some ways it will do so again. At one sixth of the way through, the project is written in rhyming sentences, and I would not have it any other way.
Chantelle Griffin 